T-Minus 3 Weeks-ish

I have a secret to tell you: I’m getting married!

At this point, the idea is generally out there that this is happening soon, but no-one knows the exact date, or the groom. While I have the date fairly pinned down, and have communicated that to the officiator (a friend from high school), I’ve never met the groom! Let me explain…

Several months ago I joined a website geared towards those seriously looking for a marriage partner. I’d grown weary of dating and continually running into those who just weren’t as serious as I am. I don’t want to do the indefinite dating thing; it doesn’t work for me.

Alas, this goes deeper.

Over the past year I have continually run into, been asked out by, and gone on dates with South Asian – Indian men. I wasn’t looking for them or trying to get involved with a specific ethnic group, it just happened. But for one reason or another, even though a couple of them did come to be good friends, it just didn’t work out. I didn’t really wonder if this was part of a larger picture or delve into what this may mean until later.

One day an ad for this site popped-up during one of my meandering web-surfing sessions. I clicked it and started exploring the site to find out more. I’d never heard of a site with the specific aim of making marriages. To me, everything else I had encountered seemed to fall into the “dating” category with maybe a slight hint of marriage or long-term committment.

Of course, this site had an extensive success stories section which, due to the region of the world it primarily catered to, was full of South Asian couples. Being a sucker for a success story, especially if it may hold the promise of a love story, I couldn’t resist. I must have spent hours looking at all the beautiful pictures of happy (and not so happy looking, really) couples, and reading their stories however short or long. Then, surprise of all surprises, I am across a mixed couple! Indian groom – white bride. This spurred a search within a search. Could there be more? Pages and pages later I had found perhaps a dozen! And I started to wonder if I had the guts to try such a thing. Could it work for me?

So I joined. I wrote out a detailed description of my character, where I come from, who I come from, and who I am looking for. Though one of my secret desires is to have the power of invisibility, I even uploaded several smiling photos (which looked a lot like this: 🙂 : only right-side up and filled in and with teeth and hair and…). Within a few hours my profile was alive and jive! Ok, jive isn’t really accurate, but I’m not good with rhyming. If I ever post my poetry, you will see. Also, see “dork” in the dictionary and you’ll find some of my other photos. I digress…

The responses were quite a bit more than I had imagined. Dozens a day. General interests, one-liner messages, detailed and heartfelt emails; thank goodness I didn’t make my phone number viewable! I made an effort to respond and genuinely consider as many as possible, but it really became too much. I found myself wishing I had parents to do this for me as some of them had! So after a few weeks I decided to delete my profile and focus on other matters for a while. I kept in a sort of general contact with a couple I had made friends with and who didn’t seem pushy or serious enough to be that I might hold them up from looking elsewhere. I had a troublesome ex creating some issues and I didn’t want to bring anyone else into that headache. I wanted my energy to be clean going into a new partnership.

That, of course, isn’t the end. After a coupe months break of handling issues (the ex story is best left for another time, or maybe to be set on fire), and doing some soul-searching, I came back to the same site for another try. Even though logic tells me I should probably have been trying other avenues, it is hard to explain exactly what drew me back. I felt…compelled.

This time the response wasn’t as large as last time. It was much more manageable. That coupled with a better understanding of what to expect, and what would be and not be acceptable, made this time much more fulfilling. I got down to business. Serious business. I had long email conversations. I spent hours on the phone. I freely said “no” and cautiously said “maybe”. This narrowed the field down to a couple, genuine proposals that really deserved considering. But, there was a very great and very wonderful surprise still in store.

While I considered these proposals I also spent a lot of time in a long email discussion with someone who had become a friend. We shared our days, our thoughts, our beliefs, our relationships, our families, our history, and even our trials on this website. We emailed often, once or twice a day, and chatted in the mornings and evenings for an hour or two or more at a time. We quickly became a part of each others day. I didn’t even realize how much until the few times other things got in the way of us conversing. He had become more and more a part of my life, a part of me. We exchanged “I love you”‘s as is common to me amongst my close friends and people I truly care for. It never occurred to me that it meant far more on his side.

It wasn’t until we spoke on the phone for the second time that the realization hit me. And I do mean “hit”. The first time he said “I love you” I was stunned as if I had just been smacked between the eyes. Everything stopped. All sound, all senses. Everything. Just for a few seconds. Maybe fractions of seconds. Then my heart kicked back into gear at full speed, my mouth went dry, and for lack of better words “it got real”. I had some more soul-searching and discoveries to make. My attention was suddenly completely focused and on alert. I gave him my friendly “I love you, too” back, and drew the conversation to a close. We continued to chat and email with renewed frequency. I started to distance myself and cut communications with others. We spoke more often on the phone, although typically briefly. I wanted to make sure that I completely understood my feelings and what they meant. Then, one day during one of our phone conversations, he says to me, “You’re so deep in me, Noelley.” The sincerity of his voice, the words, what I felt as they struck my very core, was not to be ignored. It chokes me up thinking about it. I realized then in full what this was. I loved him. I felt connected to him in the same way he did me. I couldn’t and didn’t want to live without him. So with an open heart, I said it. “I love you, K.”

That was at the end of March. Two months ago. And now we are three weeks away from tieing the knot that will legally bind us together; our souls are already united.

Next I’ll share with you the proposal. It’s beautiful; you’re gonna love it!

-N

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About thepoopoostorylady

I am a woman, soon to become wife, with less and less opportunities to deny adulthood has arrived. I've wanted to blog for a few years now, and with all the blog reading I've done the past several months in trying to find some idea what this new life married to this wonderful Indian man might look like, I've finally found the guts to bring my own story to the mix. If there's one thing I've learned from all this reading it is that although many share a common theme, every experience is intensely unique. I hope those who visit will find a place to bond over the human conditions we all must face, as well as all the special messes we each call our own. Welcome to my first blog; I'm delighted to have you! PS: The blog title alludes to a lifetime of friendly overshares from family, friends, and random strangers. I apparently look like a lady you can talk about your bowel movements with. To each their own!

Posted on May 25, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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